Whining

Looking at all old and newish poems I've made, nearly all of them are sad. This goes for most people. Poetry is like venting for the slightly insane. I've come to accept that. It's like whining without the annoying wails. A beautifully evolved form of whining. It's always silly looking back on them. I think... was it really all that bad? It's great for a laugh. It's also great to actually realize how much I've changed. It reminds me of qualities and passions that I had at one point in time and lost somewhere along life. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not so much. Yes, I will look back and read these poems or blog entries and find me pathetic and dramatic as fuck, but it is inevitably apart of who I am. It all fits in.


With that said:



You're caught
I'm caught

You run endless laps on my mind track
My body pumps with every stamp of your feet
A running beat that pulses through my veins
Pushing, bursting, shaking me into a captive state

You're caught, tangled in my strings
I'm caught and the knot won't set me free

The most pathetic of moments reveal your shadow
Gusting at me like the wind of a storm
I stand sturdy, not a single flinch
I just let you come at me and chill me to stone

You're caught, spinning in the dust and dirt
I'm caught, blanketed in your filth and debris

I stand amongst the rubble that I admire
It's my creation, my art, my desire
Clutching a fist full of your ash and grime
Now placed in my pocket for another time

And you shall slip through the unpatched hole

You're caught between invisible walls
You're caught in unknown degrees
I'm caught between the maze of it all
I'm caught in the fact that you're free




*tear* Oh the mind of a terribly dramatic young woman.

Dream House

Lately there's been a lot of thought and talk about where I want to live. I don't really have a hometown or any place that I grew up in or that I consider a home. Home is seriously just where my feet are at. The house I'm at... I'm never there. I'm always at least one or two hours drive away doing who knows what. Sometimes I sleep in the car, on people's floors or couches, or sometimes not even sleep at all. It all works for me.

I've been born in a family that moves constantly. I've learned to leave places and friends and adapt to new surroundings. There hasn't been a single place I've been to where I've felt that I've wanted to permanently be there. I never feel the need to set anchor.

So... everyone has their ideal living situations. If one were to put money and responsibilities all aside and have their ideal place to live, what would it be? There are many times when I've thought of having a big house with a big plot of land and rooms for many different functions. Then other times I remember that I'm most comfortable when in motion. I love traveling. Even just walking puts me at ease. So yes, this big house and plot of land would be nice....... to come back to. But I'd really love to live in a mobile home and just travel everywhere.

It's perfect! I actually enjoy living in my car and being out for days on end just going places. I don't actually miss a house all that much when I'm out. I don't need that much space. It's unnecessary.

So there it is. Big house with many rooms for many different functions, big plot of land, and a mobile home.
 Location: undecided.

Change?! Noooooooo!

So after work, I stopped to get gas before leaving home and I was EXTREMELY thirsty. I went in the shop to get a Sobe. I haven't had one in a longggg time. I use to have them regularly.

I'm looking all over the place and can't find them. Then... what's this I see?

 Really... what is this?! Some Sobe substance put into a puny plastic bottle. Where's that radical glass?! THIS IS BOGUS!

*Sigh* Sobe following in Coke's footsteps. Ah well. At least it still has those ridiculous sayings on the cap.

"Throwing out gold here" I love that they never make sense.

Another slap on my age from the new decade.

By gum, it must be summer!

People from all over the place are visiting here. I'm seeing travelers everywhere. Driving, I see all kinds of different license plates. I saw a vintage convertible with a guy and a girl cruising along, the guy with a map spread across the steering wheel (I really loved this image). At work, there's a couple carrying a shitload of gear on their backs (they were so intriguing).

I'm LOVING this. All these people vacationing for the summer. There's so many interesting people in this world. Each person is like an original and ongoing story. Thinking about all the moments when you end up talking to the person standing or sitting next to you. You learn a little something about them. Then when you separate, you usually never see them again. A brief moment just to learn of each others existence. For some, it is best this way. Especially when you've had a good moment with them. You will forever think highly of them. Then there's others where you wish you could have found some way of contacting them again to learn more.

Ah yes, this summer is already full of those moments. I recently accompanied my mother to a purse party. Yes... a purse party. It is as exciting as it sounds. A big hen party. My mom and I felt completely out of place, but it was an enjoyable experience. We sat and people-watched together while eating ginger cookies and drinking some extremely sweet and foamy orange concoction. One of the women at the party intrigued me the most. She had a warming personality. I found comfort in her goofiness. My favourite physical feature about her was her sunken and bulgy eyes. She was a fun one, but definitely one of those I shall only see that once. A great encounter.

I think the best thing about these moments is that you never see them coming. Sometimes you'll go out somewhere and stand/sit next to a ton of people, but never make so much as eye contact with anyone. Then other times, you'll be interacting with every single person you come across... or maybe just a couple. Just walking down the street and BAM... a moment. *this magic momentttt* It's such a compliment sometimes. When someone talks to you or even so much as sits next to you when they had the option not to, it's like they're telling you that you aren't a threatening person. You are approachable.

Yes... I look forward to more of these moments.


Extra shizz:
I went to see my friends perform at a gig this past Sunday. 7 bands. It was a longgggg night. Just to sum it up:



Why the hell did I scrunch my face so much? Ah well.

Reading About Dreams Before I Dream

"I have been happy, tho' in a dream.
I have been happy - and I love the theme:
Dreams! in their vivid coloring of life,
As in that fleeting, shadowy, misty strife
Of semblance with reality which brings
to the delirious eye, more lovely things
Of Paradise and Love - and all our own!
Than young Hope in his sunniest hour hath known."
-Edgar Allan Poe

Sleepless Night = Dull Feathers

There she stands
Single goddess in the light
She gives such poise
Her feathers shine bright

All beaks will drop
To see her virile dress
All men will dance
But none will impress

And she will stand there and wait for the day
That one day, a dull feather sways her way

Beauty floods in
Glitter drops to her feet
The platform's worn down
But their eyes do not meet

She dare not boast
Bright green, blue, and yellow
She'll only shine
The mirror of a fellow

And she will stand there and wait for the day
That one day, a dull feather sways her way

The dance floor is clear. It may be done.
Don't give up, dear. You are the one.
This is your moment
Take that dance floor and show her your stuff
Take that dance floor diamond in the rough

And she will stand there on that day
That very day your dull feathers sway her way

Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleave

It's amazing how animals are so forward with their emotions. They have no problem showing you how they feel. If they want to be around you or sit by you, they do it without wondering if you'll reject them or be creeped out by them. We also, do the same with animals.

But yet... we are afraid to do it with each other. There is a fear. That fear due to prior experience and the fact that we know that we aren't as accepted as animals are. It sucks, but it also makes it that much more rewarding to be accepted.

Then again, there are those animals that are shy at first, just as we tend to be. Then there are animals that love everyone. Then there are the ones that push everyone away.

Which brings me to another thing we share in common with animals and showing emotion. We all aren't afraid to show when we don't like another person or what they are doing. It's so much easier to put someone out of your life than it is to bring someone in. Perhaps because we know what's to come with that action. We know that we're pushing the other being away. When trying to bond with another, you have no idea how things will turn out.

Interaction... it's a beautiful thing.

Inventor Shoe