A Bed of Beauty

A nest of nudity
is a bed of beauty
Another's voice in the morning
Is a song so soothing
The cold beyond the covers
Closes gaps in hugging lovers
And the world starts winding in
bringing us closer to one another

Endearing

I saw the eyes rise from a ribbon of wool
A gaze that was so endearing
The sight of her breath in the crisp chill air
Blanketed me in a surreal feeling

When the NPS Take Over

I wish it were more widely accepted to walk around in your underwear. I walk around the house in my underwear and bra a lot. Especially in the summer. I mean... not only is it extremely comfortable in general, but also... it's hot as balls out here! And during the day, there are small things I need to do outside such as take out the trash or check the mail... perhaps get something from my car. And honestly... I'm way too fuckin' lazy to put on something that's just going to be on for a second. Usually I'll put on a tank top and walk out. Fuck pants! They're way too much of a pain in the ass. They're hot, they drag on the ground (I'm not one for putting on shoes either), and they always seem to slip off my ass without a belt anyway so... what's the point? They just get in the way. And I'm only going outside for a second anyway.

So I walk outside pantsless and usually I'm never phased by it... at least until a car full of cholos come booming down the street; heads hanging out the windows with their tongues stickin' out. Then it reminds me of how unaccepted it is to go outside in such attire... or lack of attire. I think the only way I can reach this comfortable atmosphere is if I either get a place out in the middle of nowhere with no neighbors or busy streets... or join a nudest community. I do want to experience a nudest community actually... Maybe not live there, but experience it for a short while. Someday...

- Cosh
Member of the NPS. (No Pants Society)

While the Heavens Laugh

You know when you get super stressed out and pissed off... and at some point, for whatever reason, you have to find something in your room but can't seem to find it for the life of you... and it always seems to be that thing that you put away in a specific place so you know you'd remember it later... and you always forget... so you tend to scramble through the same areas where you thought it'd be over and over as if it'd appear the 10th time you've checked it... and you're throwing shit around in frustration... then you finally give up and storm out... and when you come back to your room a bit after you've calmed down and look at the wreck that you've made... not only do you regret that tantrum... but you end up finding what you were looking for with ease.

Yup... just had that moment.

My Life on a Single Sheet of Paper

Assignment: Describe your entire life on a single sheet of paper.

I took a sheet of paper and burned a hole in the middle. The hole starts off small and continues to grow with every second giving the paper a different shape. The the glowing red circle pulses. An explosion of black and brown surround it. Grey ashes fall slowly to the ground, lingering below the paper. Grey smoke dances quickly to the sky only before vanishing leaving nothing but a soothing scent to remember it by. People gather around for warmth. Some gather around for the beauty. As the hole grows, it become crisp and soon separates into different pieces. This confuses the eye. No one knows what piece to really look at and concentrate on. But eventually the small pieces disappear to ash and large piece still burns away. By this time, different bodies surround the paper. Some stayed around since the beginning, some came and went. Once the fire is out, the paper is gone along with the warmth. All that remains are the ashes tumbling away with the wind and the sweet scent of the invisible smoke.
And it is beautiful.

The Fisherman's Fate

A fisherman floats on the wide ocean waters
He sits in his boat where he dreams and he ponders
And out in the blue he hears a distinct voice
Accompanied by sounds of sorrow and rejoice
The melody gets louder. It surrounds him and then
A woman appears with a sparkling fin

The fisherman speaks without hardship or thought
Not knowing that soon his charisma will rot
"Hello, my dear. You hold such a sweet song."
And there was the moment that it all went wrong

Their eyes gave a kiss and all was hushed
In awe and in panic, his face became flushed
His body grew weak. There's shaking in his legs.
He had to break away from this frightening gaze

"Away with you now, Medusa of the sea!
It's much too dangerous to have you near me."

In that summer gaze, the tide seemed to turn
The ocean has drowned him in an unfeasible yearn

Back home all the fisherman's friends would ask why
Why he runs away unto which he'd reply
"Why with all the worthy fish in the sea
Oh, why would she ever choose to swim with me?
I breathe the air and I have two feet
And I act like a fool every time that we meet."







I don't know where to go from here. Should it end happily? Sadly? Maybe I should make both and whoever reads it can decide the fisherman's fate. Hmm... I'll have to come back to this one.

Stay Young With Me

I imagine us in our armchair seats
Swinging around our dangling feet
Cursing and laughing and singing sweet songs
Just like we've done our whole life long

I'll draw you pictures within the walls
You'll give me feathers and with them all
We'll stand up on rooftops and look at the sky
We'll wave our arms quickly and pretend to fly

And we will age but nothing's begun
To get in the way of us and our fun
And our fun may evolve but never flee
We will grow old but stay young with me

Let's lie on the grass and take in the sights
Sculpting clouds by day, sewing stars by night
Let's stay up late and share secrets we keep
Then let the television sing us to sleep

I'll sing in the stores and gather some stares
You'll dance around in your underwear
And we'll paint the walls and paste our art
And we'll see why we can't stay apart

And we will age but nothing's begun
To get in the way of us and our fun
And our fun may evolve but never flee
We will grow old but stay young with me

No matter what, there's always a day
For us to get together and play

Whining

Looking at all old and newish poems I've made, nearly all of them are sad. This goes for most people. Poetry is like venting for the slightly insane. I've come to accept that. It's like whining without the annoying wails. A beautifully evolved form of whining. It's always silly looking back on them. I think... was it really all that bad? It's great for a laugh. It's also great to actually realize how much I've changed. It reminds me of qualities and passions that I had at one point in time and lost somewhere along life. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not so much. Yes, I will look back and read these poems or blog entries and find me pathetic and dramatic as fuck, but it is inevitably apart of who I am. It all fits in.


With that said:



You're caught
I'm caught

You run endless laps on my mind track
My body pumps with every stamp of your feet
A running beat that pulses through my veins
Pushing, bursting, shaking me into a captive state

You're caught, tangled in my strings
I'm caught and the knot won't set me free

The most pathetic of moments reveal your shadow
Gusting at me like the wind of a storm
I stand sturdy, not a single flinch
I just let you come at me and chill me to stone

You're caught, spinning in the dust and dirt
I'm caught, blanketed in your filth and debris

I stand amongst the rubble that I admire
It's my creation, my art, my desire
Clutching a fist full of your ash and grime
Now placed in my pocket for another time

And you shall slip through the unpatched hole

You're caught between invisible walls
You're caught in unknown degrees
I'm caught between the maze of it all
I'm caught in the fact that you're free




*tear* Oh the mind of a terribly dramatic young woman.

Dream House

Lately there's been a lot of thought and talk about where I want to live. I don't really have a hometown or any place that I grew up in or that I consider a home. Home is seriously just where my feet are at. The house I'm at... I'm never there. I'm always at least one or two hours drive away doing who knows what. Sometimes I sleep in the car, on people's floors or couches, or sometimes not even sleep at all. It all works for me.

I've been born in a family that moves constantly. I've learned to leave places and friends and adapt to new surroundings. There hasn't been a single place I've been to where I've felt that I've wanted to permanently be there. I never feel the need to set anchor.

So... everyone has their ideal living situations. If one were to put money and responsibilities all aside and have their ideal place to live, what would it be? There are many times when I've thought of having a big house with a big plot of land and rooms for many different functions. Then other times I remember that I'm most comfortable when in motion. I love traveling. Even just walking puts me at ease. So yes, this big house and plot of land would be nice....... to come back to. But I'd really love to live in a mobile home and just travel everywhere.

It's perfect! I actually enjoy living in my car and being out for days on end just going places. I don't actually miss a house all that much when I'm out. I don't need that much space. It's unnecessary.

So there it is. Big house with many rooms for many different functions, big plot of land, and a mobile home.
 Location: undecided.

Change?! Noooooooo!

So after work, I stopped to get gas before leaving home and I was EXTREMELY thirsty. I went in the shop to get a Sobe. I haven't had one in a longggg time. I use to have them regularly.

I'm looking all over the place and can't find them. Then... what's this I see?

 Really... what is this?! Some Sobe substance put into a puny plastic bottle. Where's that radical glass?! THIS IS BOGUS!

*Sigh* Sobe following in Coke's footsteps. Ah well. At least it still has those ridiculous sayings on the cap.

"Throwing out gold here" I love that they never make sense.

Another slap on my age from the new decade.

By gum, it must be summer!

People from all over the place are visiting here. I'm seeing travelers everywhere. Driving, I see all kinds of different license plates. I saw a vintage convertible with a guy and a girl cruising along, the guy with a map spread across the steering wheel (I really loved this image). At work, there's a couple carrying a shitload of gear on their backs (they were so intriguing).

I'm LOVING this. All these people vacationing for the summer. There's so many interesting people in this world. Each person is like an original and ongoing story. Thinking about all the moments when you end up talking to the person standing or sitting next to you. You learn a little something about them. Then when you separate, you usually never see them again. A brief moment just to learn of each others existence. For some, it is best this way. Especially when you've had a good moment with them. You will forever think highly of them. Then there's others where you wish you could have found some way of contacting them again to learn more.

Ah yes, this summer is already full of those moments. I recently accompanied my mother to a purse party. Yes... a purse party. It is as exciting as it sounds. A big hen party. My mom and I felt completely out of place, but it was an enjoyable experience. We sat and people-watched together while eating ginger cookies and drinking some extremely sweet and foamy orange concoction. One of the women at the party intrigued me the most. She had a warming personality. I found comfort in her goofiness. My favourite physical feature about her was her sunken and bulgy eyes. She was a fun one, but definitely one of those I shall only see that once. A great encounter.

I think the best thing about these moments is that you never see them coming. Sometimes you'll go out somewhere and stand/sit next to a ton of people, but never make so much as eye contact with anyone. Then other times, you'll be interacting with every single person you come across... or maybe just a couple. Just walking down the street and BAM... a moment. *this magic momentttt* It's such a compliment sometimes. When someone talks to you or even so much as sits next to you when they had the option not to, it's like they're telling you that you aren't a threatening person. You are approachable.

Yes... I look forward to more of these moments.


Extra shizz:
I went to see my friends perform at a gig this past Sunday. 7 bands. It was a longgggg night. Just to sum it up:



Why the hell did I scrunch my face so much? Ah well.

Reading About Dreams Before I Dream

"I have been happy, tho' in a dream.
I have been happy - and I love the theme:
Dreams! in their vivid coloring of life,
As in that fleeting, shadowy, misty strife
Of semblance with reality which brings
to the delirious eye, more lovely things
Of Paradise and Love - and all our own!
Than young Hope in his sunniest hour hath known."
-Edgar Allan Poe

Sleepless Night = Dull Feathers

There she stands
Single goddess in the light
She gives such poise
Her feathers shine bright

All beaks will drop
To see her virile dress
All men will dance
But none will impress

And she will stand there and wait for the day
That one day, a dull feather sways her way

Beauty floods in
Glitter drops to her feet
The platform's worn down
But their eyes do not meet

She dare not boast
Bright green, blue, and yellow
She'll only shine
The mirror of a fellow

And she will stand there and wait for the day
That one day, a dull feather sways her way

The dance floor is clear. It may be done.
Don't give up, dear. You are the one.
This is your moment
Take that dance floor and show her your stuff
Take that dance floor diamond in the rough

And she will stand there on that day
That very day your dull feathers sway her way

Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleave

It's amazing how animals are so forward with their emotions. They have no problem showing you how they feel. If they want to be around you or sit by you, they do it without wondering if you'll reject them or be creeped out by them. We also, do the same with animals.

But yet... we are afraid to do it with each other. There is a fear. That fear due to prior experience and the fact that we know that we aren't as accepted as animals are. It sucks, but it also makes it that much more rewarding to be accepted.

Then again, there are those animals that are shy at first, just as we tend to be. Then there are animals that love everyone. Then there are the ones that push everyone away.

Which brings me to another thing we share in common with animals and showing emotion. We all aren't afraid to show when we don't like another person or what they are doing. It's so much easier to put someone out of your life than it is to bring someone in. Perhaps because we know what's to come with that action. We know that we're pushing the other being away. When trying to bond with another, you have no idea how things will turn out.

Interaction... it's a beautiful thing.

Inventor Shoe

R.E.M. Cycling

(Age 20 - This picture is very posed, but who knows... I may actually look like this when I sleep.)  

I had a conversation via phone during my break time at work. We were talking about dreams, one of my most favourite subjects. I never get tired of talking about dreams. I love hearing other people's dreams. I love telling people my dreams. I love discussing people's beliefs on why we dream. I love detecting patterns in dreams. I love it all!

(Age 18 - After a night of partying with K)). I was trying to sleep.)

Dreaming is like going on an adventure. I get excited every night as I crawl into bed, waiting for the ride to begin.

The types of dreams I have tend to change with the mood I'm in. I have more dark and creepy dreams when I'm upset. Those tend to strike me as the most interesting. Sometimes they can be disturbing (like a woman fucking a dog). Sometimes they can be rad (like riding motorcycles to chase down a blue alien and shoot him with your lazer gun). Sometimes they can be disturbing and rad (like squeezing a leech out of your toe or trying to escape from the bloody lab of a mad scientist). And sometimes they can be creepy and funny (like walking into an auditorium of skeletons with the grim reaper on stage killing people. Then making him dance by singing "This Land is Your Land").

For the past couple weeks or so, I've been having dreams where there is a love interest. There's always someone I'm crushing on in my dream and usually by the end we are about to embrace, kiss, or whatnot. I usually wake up before it actually happens, though (fuckin' a!). I think this theme of dreams is caused by my very affectionate nature that I've recently acquired.

There are a few people I've talked to that have dreams about places being bombed or transportation crashes or even natural disasters. I can't recall a time I've had any of these. It's so amazing how everyone has different patterns and themes in their dreams.

I've had a few dreams where it doesn't feel like a dream. I'm lying in my bed trying to get to sleep, and suddenly I'm (dreaming about) lying in my bed and a bunch of shadows are in my room hissing and laughing and my body feels paralyzed and I can't breath. No transition between being awake and asleep. It's fuckin' creepy. THOSE along with recurring dreams are the only dreams I do NOT enjoy.

Luckily, I haven't had one of those in quite a few years.

I can go on and on about dreams and the different types, or why they occur, or how they connect with a person because it's endless. Dreams are one of the most fascinating things to me. I look forward to having more dream discussions with people. Especially ones who share the same passion for it.

(Age 15?... maybe 16 - Fell asleep watching T.V. Woke up with a wicked couch imprint.)

Positive Expression

I've been feeling exceptionally gushy these past few days (especially today). This is probably due to the fact that they have been full of positive expression. People have been texting me, facebooking me, and even coming up to me personally to express their fondness for me or a certain bit of me. I caught the beautiful disease and felt the need to express fondness for other people. Why not? It brings up the mood.

Which brings me to a quote.

"If you like what someone is doing, tell them."

Someone, I can't remember who, said this a few months back and it stuck with me. It's a beautiful phrase which should be recognized every once in a while.

So go for it.
You're pretty much guaranteed to make their day.
I know it made mine.

Self Improvement

Tonight I drowned myself in thoughts on things I don't like about myself and what I'd like to improve on. Don't get me wrong, I love the person I am as a whole and wouldn't want to be anyone else but like most people, there are parts of me that I don't enjoy so much. I strive constantly to try and change these bitter qualities I have. These thoughts brought up questions.

Should one not fight to change traits he/she dislikes about his/herself because it's what makes them who they are and they should accept said traits?

or

Should one fight to change traits he/she dislikes about his/herself because trying to change oneself for the better is also a part of who they are?

Regardless, I'm going to keep trying to fight against my natural habits that I am not satisfied with. I had a few successful moments today (Take that, driving anxiety!), but also some failures (Damn shyness... gets me every time.).






By the way: I went to see a performance today by two very attractive ladies with very attractive talents. They are worth a listen... or two... or three.

Annah Anti-Palindrome
Kim Tillman 


Oh yeah, and fuck the immigration law! 
And hell yes to the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law moving closer to being repealed.

Show and Tell

Today (now technically yesterday) people seemed in the mood to show me things they found or did. It's all very adorable. I love when people share!

My mom was excited to show me her back yard and all that she's done with it and what she plans on doing with it in the future. It looks rather lovely. I'm really proud of her. It use to be just a big yard of dirt. Now I see it slowly taking form. My mom's one tough woman!

My sister always has something to show. Today she showed me what she's done with her costume for an anime expo that she goes to every year. She always makes her own costume and with so much detail. They always turn out beautifully. This year, she's going to be a riceball. How cute?! And she's making a very intense costume for some steam punk character. (She tries to explain these things to me and I try so hard to understand, but I never get it. *sigh*)

Then it's off to work for more sharing.

A couple guys who I work with showed me their "brand new" locker which they were ever so proud of (Adorable moment). Another guy that I work with shared thoughts on ethnicity (Japanese girls are hot apparently.). Another guy that I work with expressed his excitement about his Persian hookah on the way (He promised to show me pictures. I WILL hold him on that.).

And then there was that customer... This guy is there all of the time. Tall grey haired man with big glasses. He sits in the corner on his laptop all day. He came up to me a few weeks ago to compliment me on my work habits. "I've been here for the past three days and you're the only one who I've seen do work in your field"... ouch. But yay! I love when I get these compliments. I feel so appreciated.

Anyway from how he complimented me, I knew he thought I was some kid in high school (as most people do. I have that baby face.). Today he finally asked my age.
 

"So how old are you? About 16?"

"I'm 20"

His face paused with a look of seriousness and confusion. It was as if his vision had just been scrambled for a second. After a while, he finally smiled... THEN HE PUNCHED ME!

... Okay, not really. He did that little friendly fist tap on the shoulder. I seem to get that a lot. It's a very cute gesture.

Anyway, I was very reluctant to tell him my age. I figured he would be disappointed. Not only was I not some highschool kid, my age didn't even have a "teen" at the end. He seemed to only be impressed by my work ethic because I am young and "kids are usually lazy". Really... I think anyone, regardless of age should be recognized and appreciated for their hard work. Adults can be lazy too! And I think... that smile and punch... was a way of telling me he thinks that as well.

After that, he wanted to be my best friend. Every time I passed him, he would ask about me and show me videos (mostly of various people singing the national anthem. I've never heard that song so many times in one day). He told me what he was currently typing to someone on facebook and asked me how to spell things. I loved this. Although he's uncomfortably patriotic, he was sweet and went out of his way to bond with someone. I wish more people would do this. I wish I would do this. It's one of the best compliments you can get from someone.

Spies Working on the Inside

I got sniper shot last night in my makeshift studio. Apparently it was funny that I was using a yoga ball as a seating device. What can I say? I'm a multitasker. (This is also the face I make before scolding for the distraction that led me to failure and forced me to start all over again.)

Ideal Romances That Never Were

I was terribly disappointed with the end of this video.

 



I believed it would've been a lot more touching if they never talked or had any other interaction with each other. I think once they came into closer contact with one another by hearing each other's voice, it ruined the desire and mystery. If I was attracted to a person across from my window, I would forever want it to stay as it was. I want to die in the mystery that is them. I want to forever know the attraction that I have for them at the moment and never let it evolve.

Is this a sign of fear? Fear of perhaps... being disappointed? Is not going any further running away?

I guess it doesn't matter. I still was let down by the ending. Although, I did love the tin can attached to wire alone. I remember making those as a child, but always disappointed because they never worked.